Dear Tonia,     After attending several funerals in the past few months and seeing everything from suits to blue jeans to “sexy” club wear, I was appalled and felt compelled to write. I just can’t believe how people dress today!  It’s so disrespectful not to dress properly. So please tell your readers what is appropriate to wear to a  funeral, maybe some just don’t know better.

Catherine, Poughkeepsie, NY

Funerals are respectful occasions, and part of being respectful is dressing appropriately. Dressing appropriately for the service is important because it shows respect for the deceased and for the other loved ones attending the service. Age and position in the family should dictate a higher degree of dress.

Wearing strictly black no longer applies unless you are a family member. Traditional colors like navy, purple, gray, and earth tones, work well.

Although a person’s death should be grieved, it is appropriate to celebrate the person’s life with a subdued color. It is also nice to wear what the person who passed would have liked to see us in.

Denim and athletic wear may be comfortable or appropriate for casual activities but should never be worn to a wake or a funeral. Shorts or sandals are never acceptable. Wear what is tasteful and conservative.

A sexy dress, even in black is not appropriate. The most important thing women should remember when dressing is not to wear anything too tight or low-cut. Not only is it disrespectful, but you also look trashy. You want to be remembered as being supportive to the family not for what you wore.

The rule for skirts and dresses is knee length or longer. Think basic simple pencil skirt, trouser, or a suit like you were going on an interview for a job. It is acceptable to wear dress pants with a nice top although wearing a jacket will pull the outfit together. Your shoulders should be covered for some churches.

Keep your jewelry and accessories simple, traditional, and to a minimum. Your shoes should be in a subdued or dark color and not show your toes. Keep make up understated.

Men should wear a sport coat or a dark suit paired with a white or subdued color shirt and a solid color tie or a conservative pattern. Your socks should match the color of your pants and your belt should match your shoes. Your shoes should be polished.

No matter what creed or culture you follow, a funeral is a somber occasion that demands a certain level of conservative dress.  At the end of the day, your being there is all that really counts, as I learned. More importantly, this is no time for people to be judgmental. But for your own peace of mind, it’s nice to not have to think about it, know you’re ready to go, and that you can devote your energies to grieving — or celebrating — a life.